WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i love accidental penises.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
