Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
