I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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