On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
