Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
