yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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