I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
