the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
