Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
