we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
