No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
