I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had to cum in my sink.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
