i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
