Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
