Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize