I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
