I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
