I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
