Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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