my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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