How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
