my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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