hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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