Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
