Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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