So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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