I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
