I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
