problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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