Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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