Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
