I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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