I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
