feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
