Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
