TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
