So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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