well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
