I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize