So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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