Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
