Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
