WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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