My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
