DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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