he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
