I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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