i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
