If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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