sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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