I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize