would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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