i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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