she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come on in and take your pants off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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