I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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