Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
