we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
