Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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