one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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