i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will be naked everywhere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
