Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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