did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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