my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
