i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
