Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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