I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
