There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
