my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
