I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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