He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
