he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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