All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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