Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize