Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
