I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
