Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
