but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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