What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need a beard to bite.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
