Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize