I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
