just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
