we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
