have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
