if only i could text you this smell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
