Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
