I'm going to jail i love you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this hospital has no fireball
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
