their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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