I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
