Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
