I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
