lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
