cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
